Main Blog is : Gothjohnmayer

Rock that custom microphone Info   Ask me anything   Archive   flickr   Next›
2012–2014
Posted 1 week ago with 4326 notes
"

i once saw a scientist
on television.
and she was speaking generally
about science things
(being a scientist and knowing science things
etc.)
and, speaking generally
i am not a science
person,
and while i respect them,
i do not have much interest
in scientists
or science things.
so i went to switch the channel
at the precise moment that the presenter sitting beside the scientist asked:
what,
in your opinion,
is the most ASTOUNDING fact
about the universe
?
and this stopped me.
because it is not often that television presenters ask such interesting questions,
and the scientist was pursing her lips in a thoughtful way that made me think
i wanted to her her answer
to the interesting question.
after a pause,
she did not look directly at the
camera,
but directly at the presenter.

did you know,
she said,
that there are atoms in your body.
the presenter laughed.
of course,
he said.
what else would my body be made of?

well,
said the scientist,
and i did not need to look at the television screen to know
she was smiling.
do you know where those atoms came from?
well,
said the presenter.
and he did not say anything else.
i snickered from my place in the armchair
and the scientist smiled again.

the most ASTOUNDING fact that i have ever known,
she said,
is not a fact, specifically,
but the story of every atom on this planet.
the ones that make up the grass and the sea and the sand and the forests and the human
body.
these atoms came
from stars.

the presenter sat forward and so did i.

stars,
continued the scientist,
are mortal
like humans.
they die,
and, in their later years,
are unstable.
it pains me a little to say it, but a star’s death
is far more dramatic than a human’s.
is it? asked the presenter.
the scientist was looking at him still,
and i felt strongly as though i was listening in on a very private
conversation.

it is, the scientist nodded. the stars
i am referring to,
she said,
collapsed and exploded a very long time ago, and scattered their enriched guts across
the entire universe.
here, she paused, and her words caught in my mind in a way that made me wonder
if she was a scientist
or a poet.
their guts, she said whilst sipping from a glass of water, were splayed across every
inch
of time and space.
these guts were made of the
fundamental ingredients
of life and existence.
carbon and oxygen and nitrogen and hydrogen and all the
rest of it.
all in the bellies of these stars that flung themselves across the universe in protest when it was their time to die.

and then? asked the presenter.
the scientist’s lips quirked upwards. and then, she said.
it all became parts of gas clouds.
ones that condense and collapse and will form our next solar systems -
billions of stars with billions of planets to orbit them.
and these planets have the ingredients of life sewed into the very fabric
of their own lives.

so, she said, smile still playing on her lips -
where do your atoms come from?
from those gas clouds, said the presenter.
no, said the scientist.
from those stars.

every atom, every molecule, every inhale and exhale and beat of your heart, is traceable
to the crucibles that cooked life itself.
and you are sitting here and so am i and so are your viewers at home,
and we’re all in the universe, aren’t we?
yes, said the presenter.
but i’ll tell you what’s even better, the scientist smiled wider.
the universe is in us. your atoms and my atoms and your camera men’s atoms came from those stars. you’re connected and relevant without even having to try. you are made of stardust and the fabric of the universe.
that is the most ASTOUNDING fact
i can tell you.
the presenter smiled and the scientist smiled wider and i smiled too,

and later i switched the channel to something less scientific
and wondered if i should feel small,
tiny and insignificant in relation to the stars that collapsed and exploded and
threw themselves everywhere.
and that is how my mother found me,
sitting on the sofa.
and she asked me what was
wrong,
and i said,
nothing. i’m just a lot smaller than stars are.
my mother is very literal woman. as such, her natural response was:
of course you’re not. don’t you see how small stars are?
that’s only from a distance,
i said.
maybe you’re looking at yourself from a distance too, she said.

and she left the room and it is years later now, but i still
think about the scientist and what she said
and my mother and what she said
and i still see the presenter on television.
and i still think that the stars are very big
but now i think,
they are in me.
so i am big too.

"
'the most astounding fact' - j.c., inspired by neil degrass tyson’s talk of the same name (via girlonfired)
Posted 1 week ago

I switched my URLs! So if you followed the link from iamawinrar’s blog posts my new URL is gothjohnmayer.tumblr.com.

Posted 4 weeks ago with 33064 notes
"

He says ‘I don’t get it, why are you still a virgin at 24?’

He says ‘I don’t believe you, I’ve seen you walk, virgins don’t walk like that’

He says, ‘That ain’t natural, people are supposed to fuck.’

He asks ‘Why though? No offence though.’

I ask ‘When was your first time?’

He says ‘I was 12’

He says ‘I know what you’re thinking, that’s too young.’

I look at his knuckles, he has two good hands.

He says ‘She was older than me.’

I ask ‘How old?’

And he says ‘It’s better that the girl is older, that’s how I learnt all things I know’

He licks his lips.

I ask again ‘How old?’

He says ‘I could use one finger to make you sob’

I think of my brother in prison and I can’t remember his face.

I ask again ‘How old?’

He says ‘Boys become men in the laps of women, you know?’

I think of my mother’s face lined with her bad choices in men.

He says ‘If you were mine you wouldn’t get away with this shit, I’d eat you for hours, I’d gut you like fruit.’

I think of my cousin’s circumcision, how he feels like a mermaid, not human from the waist down.

He says ‘I’d look after you, you know?’

I laugh, I ask for the last time ‘How old?’

He says ‘34.’

He says ‘She was beautiful though and I know what you’re thinking but it’s not like that, I’m a man, I’m a man, I’m a man. No one could ever hurt me’.

"
Warsan Shire, Crude Conversations With Boys Who Fake Laughter Often (via stillmeaningless)

(Source: cactuslungs)

Posted 7 months ago with 242453 notes
"

My mother tells me
that when I meet someone I like,
I have to ask them three questions:

  1. what are you afraid of?
  2. do you like dogs?
  3. what do you do when it rains?

of those three, she says the first one is the most important.
“They gotta be scared of something, baby. Everybody is. If they aren’t afraid of anything, then they don’t believe in anything, either.”

I met you on a Sunday, right
after church.
one look and my heart fell into
my stomach like a trap door.

on our second date,
I asked you what you were afraid of.
“spiders, mostly. being alone. little children, like, the ones who just learned how to push a kid over on the playground. oh and space. holy shit, space.”
I asked you if you liked dogs.
“I have three.”
I asked you what you do when it rains.
“sleep, mostly. sometimes I sit at the window and watch the rain droplets race. I make a shelter out of plastic in my backyard for all the stray animals; leave them food and a place to sleep.”

he smiled like he knew.
like his mom told him the same
thing.
“how about you?”

me?
I’m scared of everything.
of the hole in the o-zone layer,
of the lady next door who never
smiles at her dog,
and especially of all the secrets
the government must be breaking
it’s back trying to keep from us.
I love dogs so much, you have no idea.
I sleep when it rains.
I want to tell everyone I love them.
I want to find every stray animal and bring them home.
I want to wake up in your hair
and make you shitty coffee
and kiss your neck
and draw silly stick figures of us.
I never want to ask anyone else
these questions
ever again.

"
Caitlyn Siehl, “Three Questions”  (via biblicaldragonfight)

(Source: alonesomes)

Posted 9 months ago with 31040 notes
"Mama, I said
He wants to kiss me
And he won’t take no for an answer
She turned to me, eyes blazing
God help me, she said
Who taught these boys you are something to be had?
Don’t they know that your name means strength,
That your father gave it to you knowing what a force you would be?
You’re a wildfire, don’t they know?
You’re the entire ocean, not a puddle
They’ll come up choking for air
Next time you turn your head away from his lips and he turns it back,
Tell him your mother taught you that your body is a temple
Let him kneel before you
Let him pray in a whispered fervor
Let him swear his allegiance
Let him prove his devotion
Honey, you’re a goddamn wildfire
You choose who you burn"
Fortesa Latifi - Mama 

(Source: madgirlf)

Posted 9 months ago with 306814 notes
"I’m scared as hell to want you. But here I am, wanting you anyway."
Unknown 

(Source: gracefully-found)

Posted 9 months ago with 172 notes
"They say every atom in our bodies was once a part of a star. Maybe I’m not leaving, maybe I’m going home."
Vincent Freeman

(Source: h0peinspiresme)

Posted 9 months ago with 38968 notes
HOW THE CYNIC FALLS IN LOVE

kaitrokowski:

When I realized I loved you 
it was not romantic 
Not flush with pink roses & wine
but rather normal 
Rather standing in line at CVS 
clutching a four pack of peanut butter cups 
& cold medicine
It was a quiet realization 
Like checking the weather I was currently standing in 
"Huh. It’s a bit warmer
than I would have guessed.” 

Posted 9 months ago with 46878 notes
"i need to rip your
name off my tongue;
it no longer tastes
sweet."
a.w.k.jones, salty  (via theytookmyluna)

(Source: stillehus)

Posted 9 months ago with 83624 notes
"

I realized
why
you’re not
my cup of tea.

I drink coffee.

"

(Source: violentwavesofemotion)